Still Trying....

I'm still trying to squeek in moments to play chess. It's tough & sometimes frustrating to know you're not as good as you were. Nice when those moments come when you realize you're good enough, even now, to hang with some strong & solid competitors! : )

BC Chess

I take back what I said about the Battle Creek Barnes & Noble chess guys... Years ago, there was Jim and then there was me ...for the most part as far as competition goes. Everyone else was fairly easy to win against. It's not that way anymore. There's new faces along with others who are solid class A & B players and some of their ancient ratings don't reflect their current playing strength. And some of the others are quite strong, too. That was discussed last night at the club. I like the attitudes there. Most guys want a shot at the strongest players instead of settling in to a game expecting to lose, now. And they let it be known they're gunning for you, too. lol My opponent wrote the moves down. I was just slightly better in the game and I got a copy & here's the end analysis -

Chess

My cousin talked me into playing the Michigan Masters/Experts Chess Championship last January. I knew how my results would be given that I hadn't thought about chess since Feb. 2009. Yep, I got slaughtered - losing all 5 games. :-( Last month I just browsed a few of my better tournament wins against high-rated players from years ago and was impressed with the creativity and dominance in those particular games. I missed being creative like that & started watching chess lectures & studying some GM games and even played some blitz games online during lunch at work. It took a few more weeks of frustration but I found a comfort zone on the board again and started winning. In some ways I feel stronger than I was before. In others, I don't. So I hit the Battle Creek Chess Club last Thurs (3/10/2011) and had to play Jim, the best player there who plays about a 1900 level. He outplayed me early, I sac'd a bishop to stay in the game and won a close one using the Lucena position technique in a rook, pawn vs. rook endgame. I feel I got lucky & caught him by surprise. Years ago, I was his primary competition at the club but he had the better score against me. He really started to pull away as I was on the oxymorphone & other meds. ...and then the marriage breakdown, and then... well. Retirement from chess. lol Anyway, I figured Jim was probably stewing after losing to me last week and wanted to play me again but he showed up late and I played Maurice. I won another close one. To give you an idea of how good Jim plays - after my game against Maurice, we watched Jim quickly destroy Larry 3 times and never making it to an endgame. Larry is a former Michigan Open Reserve champ. I noticed Jim would have a superior position right from the opening and figured I'll need to pay particular attention in the opening when I play him again. Then Barnes & Noble closed & we all met at the donut shop to play and I played Jim two games & won the first game very convincingly. The second game, Jim lost his nerve in a close endgame and blundered - allowing knight fork with check& losing his rook. Jim seemed to gauge himself against me years ago and I believe his losing now against me is purely psychological. I haven't lost at the chess club since returning, yet. 4 close, but solid wins and I'm not really sold that I'm as good as I was back in 2003-2005. But it feels good to be playing again. Here's a position from my game with Maurice. I played Black & it's black to move. It's dead even. My move in the game was ...Bxe4. I eventually went up a pawn and won the endgame. It feels good to be playing chess again. Not sure I'm ready for guitar, yet. That's an emotional thing & I'm still emotionally whacked-out from my ex and the fact that she's got our 9 year-old son doped up on heavy medications just as bad as she had me doped up. Maybe worse. :-( I understand and have complete faith that God is in control. At the same time, as Christians, I don't believe we're expected to just praise God while watching the house burn down. Jesus was aggressive. He wants us to do something...

Spring =-)

A sure sign of spring is....



















....when the robins arrive in abundance.

Finally........

Dec. 17 I got to spend a few minutes with them. Then had them from Christmas Day thru Jan 2, 2011 and now it's back to every other weekend. :-) It's been absolutely AWESOME!!!!! They're loving it, too!

There is still hostility from their mom and her new _____ ...I mean her new husband - trying to intimidate & provoke me, and accusing me of lying among other things. And she is still flying accusations & allegations. Apparently she still has a need to try to make me look bad somehow in the eyes of others - including and especially our sons' eyes. :( Thankfully they seem to know better but I have no doubt she'll keep trying to re-enforce her ugliness, her past actions & bitterness on them by continuing to plant thoughts & suggestions as she has recently. ...sad, sad bummer.

Anyway, I'm just focusing on the boys. No girlfriends or activities that might interfere with them, etc. Just the boys, their well-being & happiness. :-)

Missing My Sons

With the exception of a single supervised hour, it's been 270 days since my boys have seen their Daddy.

270 days since this father has seen or heard the voices of the little ones he loves so much....

Punkin :-(
Pottimus :-(
Daddy :-(

I am moving in two weeks. I finally found a house, praise God. A fixer-upper right smack dab on the water!!!! :-) It's been long enough and the apartment served its purpose of allowing me to gather myself after Jill left while she continued doing those things. It allowed me to focus on being closer to God, getting my mind, body, & spirit back on the right track. Now it's back to where I belong - the deep woods country for me. The house is right on the water and the lake isn't very populated,either! I lucked-out big time. I've been very, very blessed, rather! I want to scout for a church near there, now.... Not sure because I really like the one I'm at. In any event, I'm really looking forward to ice skating, hockey, & ice fishing this winter and this coming spring, summer, and into next fall - I plan to be stepping out my back door, hopping on the boat and fishing!!! :-)

Just wish I had a family to enjoy it all with... :-(

But it is what it is & God has mercifully and graciously seen me from some hellacious circumstances - all the way to this point. He'll continue through the ups & downs He uses to guide us while continuing to put me in places I'm needed, desired, and useful and placing His people in my life...

One Hour

I had the most wonderful hour with my two boys last Tuesday (July 27). It was as if nothing had ever happened... Hugs, smoochies, squeezes!!!

We jammed so much into that one hour, it was exhausting. I must've lost 5 lbs with all the running. We played baseball, football, ran, played on the swings, the slides, we played in the water and we rested. Then we wrestled! Fun, fun, fun!!!

The boys were emotional in the last 3-5 minutes after getting in the car to leave. They both said they didn't want to leave me.... Sweet boys... It tears me up.

The next day, I received a call from the case worker stating that if everything was a go for normal parenting, it could take another 6 weeks/two months or so before CPS's recommendation makes its way through all the attorneys, the counselors, & finally back to the judge. Pathetic & sad.... It hurts everybody involved - especially my sons..